This is it. I'm jumping for it. There's fear, but there's also excitement and hope at what lies ahead. About a month and a half ago I left the family business, my hometown, some family and friends, and of course, Hector. The last one is bringing tears to my eyes as I write.
For so long I was scared to express myself, I feared what others would think, I feared I wasn't OK as I am. Now I'm speaking out, I'm being me. I read a quote the other day, something to the effect of, "Be who you are. Others don't have to like you. You don't have to care."
I'm inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert, Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle Melton, and all the other women who have dared to show up fully in the world. I'm inspired by those around me who perhaps don't have famous names, but dare to follow their dreams, one hopeful and sometimes painful step at a time. I'm ready to acknowledge my vulnerability as a human, and to embrace the fullness of life, in all its colors. And I'm ready now to stand up and be counted as someone who was bold enough to speak from their heart.
Over the last year I've been observing an interesting phenomenon. All around me couples have been parting ways in a wave of conscious uncoupling. As Hector and I started to see our relationship giving way to something new, we noticed the same happening to those around us. There was no betrayal, no falling out of the deep human love we all had for each other. The relationships were just becoming outdated, somehow ill-fitting now.
As I waded through the process of separation, riding the ups and downs, a friend recalled a recent dream she'd had. Her house had burned down with everything in it. She stood with sadness about to well up as she looked at the ashes. A friend walked up just before a tear formed to remind her that, "We are going to build a better one." All along the way, little nuggets of insight such as these littered my path. To me they were signposts, reminding me I was on the right track. As time went on, I started to hear about more and more couples starting to part ways. I understand this may seem like a common occurrence, happening all the time, but this felt different. This new wave was more conscious uncoupling, and less about dramatic breakups. For Hector and I, we had just learned to lean on each other for far too long. It was not like were were parting wounded and broken, but just a little wobbly. Instead, we walked away hopeful and inspired to stand tall by our own merits.
And here I am, remembering what it's like to be me again, on my own two feet. I'm working through my issues without projecting them on someone else. I'm learning to recognize the patterns I created and continue to create in my relationships. I'm learning how to break old cycles, and create new ones that fit who I truly want to be. I'm learning how to rewrite my story so that "I can build a better one."